10th anniversary


It’s been a long time since I wrote my last eligible note about any life lesson of mine.. hahahaahaha.. so many things happened, some were the thing I less expected. I “met” new people and I cant deny that they brought new energy and some brought new problem too..

It’s a challenge for me…
another cognitive restructuring things..πŸ™‚

I made a huge step, as I take a responsibility of my life by accepting his marriage proposal, which has been postponed since 2006. He proposed for the fifth times and this year I accept it.. after the big bang, after the hurt, the cry, the broken heart and so on. Many friends were wandering, how can I take this “risk”.. the answer is a simple answer, I’m just too tired… So I chose to make a change. He made a self-disclose confession about his affair background and somehow I can simply understand the dynamic of his feelings..

I remember a quote from Deepak Chopra. He said that the right person is someone next to you, someone who are standing with you as your spouse/partner right now because he/she takes part as a mirror of your own true personality, he/she is the best teacher..

He has been my partner since we were so young (I remember my self at 16)..
We have been learning so many things since then. All about emotions, thoughts, attitudes, and so on.. he’s my best friend. I cant find the normative reason to answer the question why am I still fight for this relationship, I just follow my heart.

One thing I want to make it clear, he is great at his faith about everything happen surround him. He is the best proof of what universe does to make a wish come true. “The Secret” things… actually, he gave me those kind of positive elements of how to be faithful, how to get focus on what we aimed for, or simply trust in our selves. I was too naive and trapped on self-blaming things, low sell esteem, and irrational believes in my head.. and be with him right now is my time to fix all the broken vow..

All of this problems enrich my soul
I love him and somehow I know he loves me…
I’ll let this pain vanished
Those people (those who love him) are not important, I don’t have any responsibility to take care of them, to please them, or to make them happy. They have their own life and it has no connection with mine.
It wasn’t my fault.
I have no responsibility
It’s all about life-choice
and what I choose is to live my life with him and be happy as I’m wishing for..
I’ll let the sorrow go…

Broken Vow

……………………..

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There’s more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I’d give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

Those people (those who love him) are beyond my control, I don’t have any responsibility to take care of them, to please them, or to make them happy. They have their own life and it has no connection with mine.
It wasn’t my fault.
I have no responsibility
It’s all about life-choice
and what I choose is to live my life with him and be happy as I’m wishing for..
I’ll let the sorrow go…
I’m deserve to be happy and I’ll let my self be happy…

Please, pray for meπŸ™‚
when I know you guys stay at my back, I feel that I’m not a lonesome fighter who seem to be the dumb… Give me a feedback when I lose my track, give me hug when I’m in doubt, give me a shelter when I shed a tear…

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